


Been There, Done That, Bought the Farm

by thebasement_archivist



Category: The X-Files
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-06-03
Updated: 2002-06-03
Packaged: 2018-11-20 07:51:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11331555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebasement_archivist/pseuds/thebasement_archivist
Summary: Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived atThe Basement, which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address onThe Basement's collection profile.





	Been There, Done That, Bought the Farm

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Basement](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Basement), which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Basement's collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thebasement/profile).

Been There, Done That, Bought the Farm

## Been There, Done That, Bought the Farm

#### by Wildy

Been There, Done That, Bought the Farm  
by Wildy  
  
M/K 

Since I know how low to go   
I won't let it show   
Won't you touch me touch me   
I won't let it go 

Days of The New/ "Touch Peel and Stand" 

* * *

It's not like I never died before -- hell, nothing else has happened to me for years. And there's something sexy about death, when sex is unattainable... 

Was I sublimating? Was Mulder?... Tell me about it, and him a psych major. No, it's not been denial for a _long_ time... He's just too smart for that, or to believe that about me. No. Not denial. 

He just didn't like me. And the poor fucker really made it impossible for himself you know, only ever wanting the two people he'd decided in his principled widdle head were too good - that's her - or too dirty - that's me - for the likes of him. 

Poor fucking Mulder. 

Goddamned prudish anal New England neo-Puritan son-of-a-bitch. 

There, Alexei Andreijevich, feel better now? Is oo venting? So everybody's not a professional operative. No seduction training for Fox Mulder. But what a pity. What that man could be, if he just lost a few inhibitions... It's a low self-esteem issue, with him. 

Damn Bill Mulder to hell... The old guy really lost control, he really messed Mulder up. It took me years to understand that the killing wasn't to prevent him talking to Mulder that day. It was about giving Mulder someone to hate instead of his dad, a fetch, a sin eater. A guardian devil. Worked, too. Kept him from eating his gun. He took it out on me instead. All according to plan. 

So then I get to stick my finger in the dyke all these years, just waiting for Mulder to go nuts or get dead or something... Getting in the way of his more obvious psychotic episodes, whipping boy, scapegoat, invertebrate scumsucker, sweet nothings, banks of payphones, forest floor surgery and all. "Keep him sane, Alex. Keep him alive." 

He's already got somebody to love. So give him someone to hate, to divert some of that raging, edge-laden, bloodthirsty self-hatred. Give him Alex. And, oh, by the way, Alexei? Don't feel a thing, would you? That's an order. Yes, sir. Certainly, sir. Could I please have a cigarette? Sir. 

Bed of roses. Aiiieeee. 

It doesn't help that guns make me horny. 

And even when I pushed the old fuck down the stairs, Mulder didn't get with the program. What is it with him and me -- I'm too scary to profile? At least, it was my agenda after that. I wish he'd noticed... 

Well, he's in love with Scully. 

... Then he's dead, and she's pregnant, and of course Skinner buys it when I threaten palm-pilot torture and baby-killing in the hospital, he doesn't even think, I'm just ... It's a Russian vaccine, bonehead. What, you really think someone would wake up from alien-incubation livedeath just because someone else unplugged their life support? Uh-uh. 

But now Mulder... Well, Mulder was always halfway psychic, is what I think. That's how come he had the incredible solve rate, eerily accurate profiling ability, and translogic quantum leaps... 

But he reads minds now. I swear. The next time we meet he looks at me real intense and... well... funny. We're sitting in Skinner's office, and just before he rushes out he drills me with those heartbreak-gold-sun-through-the-leaves eyes of his and says, "keep her safe" like he knows. 

And I'm fucking bleeding to death inside. 

Because he's gonna be all right now. He and Scully finally got their shit together. And that means I'm done. I've won. I'm lost. 

A parking garage for fuck's sake. How sordid can you get. Ah well. 

A lot of incoherent blabber for Baldy's benefit, because that's what he expects, but really it's all carefully tailored mindfucking. I'm pounding on the bastard's panic buttons, threatening Mulder... I've got it all under control, I don't feel a thing. Except horny, because this is the real thing, this is it -- 

Then fucking Mulder has to rip me wide open, does he think he's doing me a favor, calling me "Alex", telling me he knows... "-like you killed my father"... That's right, Mulder. You don't need an evil twin anymore now, you don't need me, don't need me now and I almost fucking lose it right there, I almost dissolve in front of Mulder and God and everybody, and I won't fucking cry, I won't, come the fuck on, Skinner, you asshole... Fucking please. Before I break. 

There. 

One bullet, two bullet, three and I'm doing the Watusi on the dirty concrete, warm floodtide, tearlike finally all-out for-real bleeding to death, do you see now Mulder? Do you see because it's all there and really it's not like I haven't died before because I have died every day and now oh now, I can stop now. Touch, peel, and stand... Yeah... 

And I'm taking all your hatred with me down the drain Mulder, you can relax now and quit hurting, you can love yourself and anybody else you damn well please because ow 

"i gotcha" 

**END**

* * *

If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Wildy 


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